Arguing in Front of the Kids?
Is it alright to argue in front of your kids?!?
There are two sides to that coin and basically it comes down to one concept: Are you a “good” arguer? In all fairness, most people are NOT. You might be better than somebody else you know, or even better at it than your parents were but just being better and “nicer” than someone else should not dictate whether or not to argue in front of your very own impressionable child. Let’s put it this way, unless you’ve specifically been told by someone you have the utmost respect for that you are a really nice person to disagree with, then do everyone a favor and take your dispute with your spouse quietly into the back corner of the house or simply save it for later. If it just CAN’T wait until later then you and your spouse should know some basic do’s and don’ts about fighting fairly...
*Be polite – An argument is not for hurting people. It is for getting an idea across. And no names.
*Be quiet – Yelling never convinced anyone. Quite the opposite, in fact! Who would you rather listen to?
*Come back to center – This is the part where you show your children that you still respect and love each other. This is only achieved if both of you have listened, and been heard. Pouting won’t usually get that message across.
*You are not “the enemy” of the person you disagree with – You just have different ideas about the best way to go about things. If you focus on your common goals, the argument can turn into an exploration of different paths and possibilities.
*Never argue about your children, or their behavior, in front of them – This makes children feel they are the cause of your fights, and undermines their self-worth. Have your discussion separately from your child, and then talk to them when your ideas and needs are clear to you both.
*Teach your children to lose graciously – Yep, that means you have to lose gracefully! It’s okay to be disappointed, and there are appropriate ways of showing it. Let go of resentment, and you’ll be teaching your kids an invaluable lesson!
*Be authentic, but try not to wallow – Of course there are things worth sticking to no matter what, but teaching your kids to let things be over when they’re over and move on is great, too.
*Don’t make every difference of opinion an argument – If you can learn to “chill out” about things that the two of you differ on, you can teach your children that not every moment of dissent requires a rise in blood pressure.
And of course, if you find you are unable to follow any of these tips in your arguments, take a time out, take the argument away from your kids, and consider getting outside help. An out of control argument doesn’t teach your kids anything you want to leave them with.
